God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You made out with two different species that night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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