Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
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You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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