Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize