I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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