omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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