Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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