I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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