Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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