Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize