You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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