This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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