did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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