Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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