I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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