I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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