Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think i have herpe
just one?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
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The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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