Your face is a jimmy john
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize