If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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