he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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