i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize