2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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