I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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