Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was CRYING into my vagina
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At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
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My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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