K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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