I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize