Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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