# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize