I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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