Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
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