I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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