How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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