Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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