You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize