I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize