I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there's paper in my vomit.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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