he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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