How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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