i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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