he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
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Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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