So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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