Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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