how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize