You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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