Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize