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I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
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