So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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