How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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