So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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