you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
where are my eyebrows?
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