He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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